Choice

With all the stuff that has happened in my family over the last 4 months I have been thinking about choices allot latley. EVERYTHING we do is a choice..when people say "I had no choice" that is really a lie..there is always a choice! It just means that the reaction to our choice isn't always what we want.
Marrage and comitment is a choice. You have to choose to work at your marrage. When you get married and you make that covenant with God that is a choice. No one ever said it would be easy..in fact everyone i know said the opposite. But if you choose to let God be the center of your marrage it can work. If you have past issues and you chose not to deal with them he can still heal that. But that requires you letting him in enough to do that. You can't just say "I did it wrong" and run away. Yes because Jesus loves you he will still work in you (as much as you will let him) and he will give you peace. He does not want his children to suffer. But when you say you have peace...and yet you are still hurting because the choice you are making is hurting others that is not true peace. That is simply a bandaid to keep you together. I don't care if you think you have never loved your husband the way "you think" you should have. God can give you an unimationable love for him...But you have to let God do it in you!!! When you let yourself be clouded by the enemies lies about an "old flame" which btw...lies always look beautiful and tasty at first...and once you eat of that fruit you will taste the rotteness inside and it is very hard to come back from that. Anyway...when you let yourself be decieved by the enemy it makes it much harder to hear what God is trying to tell you...harder for you to let him in..becuause Satan is purposing to fill your mind with darkness and chaos. Why won't you listen to the people around you??? Especially your family??? Yea ok..so you are getting help..but only if it on your issues and you don't have to talk about marrage??? really?? really??? You have a man who will do ANYTHING to help you and to repair all that is broken...but becuase he couldn't read your mind for 30 years you just choose to leave?? Instead of being a big enough person to go to him and say we have a serious problem and we need to fix it before it all falls apart. No you just say i want to be happy and leave!! You could be really happy but you won't let anyone be THAT close to you!! and yet you think this man who you knew 30plus years ago will make you happy??? a man that broke your heart several times left you more than once.  A man you don't really know anymore..becuase who you knew has had a whole other life for the last 30 years. What you are feeling is not love...its called a familiar spirit..and it is meant to bring destruction to you and all those around you!! Please for the sake of us and you.....Just let God in!!! let him be the center of you and your marrage!! You believe he can do miracles...so why not believe he can heal you and your marrage!!! ok i am done ranting for today...for who i am writing to..you know who you are...i love you so much...and i do want you to be happy...but with real joy..and real peace...not the kind of happy and peace you think you have which is a like..much like the high you would get from a drug...but when that high is gone..you feel the real despair you are in.